Saturday 7th October
Short post to admit that I recently found myself absolutely exhausted and with my joy reserves well and truly empty.
A whole load of external stressors and events led me here, and currently I'm trying to work out how to get back to where I want to be...some sleep is high priority having become accustomed to broken nights , although Charlie now sleeps through my body keeps pumping out adrenaline and fuelling me with nervous energy. This I have discovered is not a mix that creates well being.
Right now I feel pretty positive but other times am consumed by a fog of depression. Not at all pleasant and often accompanied by guilt, sadness, despair & complete and utter overwhelm.
With hindsight(oh why doesn't hindsight switch places with foresight) it had been brewing for ages but I just kept pushing through, as so many of us do. Hitting rock bottom over and over again.
Last week I reached out and contacted my public health nurse. How often do we hear "just talk to someone"? It's advice I give others, but oh my god it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I felt like such a failure to be struggling, which in itself was a sign that I desperately needed some help. I'd love to say that everything was solved after we had a chat. It wasn't, but it was an act of self kindness to allow myself to share how I'd been feeling and to believe I can move forward from this.
Anyway I'm currently taking a short break from everything, part of me would rather not publish this because it would be easier to just pretend it never happened but it wouldn't be an honest blog then would it!
Plan is to return with a FREE 5 day Joy Project Intensive- date to be confirmed- I'll be taking part too that's for sure. Simply email JOY to firstname.lastname@example.org if you'd like to join me.
By the way if you happen to have met me over the last couple of weeks and I was smiling and chatty it most likely wasn't a mask, sometimes I really did feel smily and chatty...during the worst moments I try not to leave the house.
If you are reading this and feeling unbearable, please, please let someone know. Anyone. Reach out. Hold on to hope. I want you to know that if you can just hang on it will get better, maybe not straight away, it might even get worse for a bit. But it will get better and you will look back on these moments and be so glad you survived them.