Friday 13th November
This has been an intense and demanding week for me- particularly emotionally. Ever since I began my experiment there were certain days and weeks that stand out and this was one of those weeks.
Tomorrow I fly to Philadelphia my first trip to the States something I have been visualizing long before it was logically possible.
That’s the thing about dreams…no logic required to make them come true.
Anyway I think my surge of emotions have been partly due to the fact that it is one year ago that I really began my descent and it felt as if my world was collapsing.
It’s been an amazing journey and I think the sheer magnitude of all I have achieved hit me, overwhelmed me a little and along with it the fear and doubt -old familiar thoughts that I won’t be good enough and it will only go well if I am in control of every little detail - those old beliefs are negative and cause nothing but stress and upset but there is something about familiarity that is comforting even when it’s negative especially in times that cause anxiety.
I love to travel and have been excited about this trip for a long time but as a child moving house a lot change was something that I identified stressful and that’s a learned behaviour an old negative yet familiar belief.
So I’m changing it. This trip will be amazing. Everything will be exactly as it is meant. I can’t control the events, I can’t control the people, I can’t control whether my luggage makes it to my destination, I can’t control the Wi-Fi.But I know that I can control my thoughts and my experience. This is an adventure and I want to soak up every bit of it.
There is so much I want to write about that happened this week but I think perhaps it will be for the book.
It’s not the beginning of my story but this trip is the beginning of a new chapter. Following your dreams and fulfilling your destiny isn’t always easy but no one gets to where they are meant to be without struggles and tears. In a week that I spent more time crying than not (I will explain in the book!) and after an amazing reflexology session with my beautiful gifted friend Fiona I can feel a change in me as I let go of some more of the old me and allowed the power to shift back to the real me. The version of me that knows I am meant to be happy, and that if I just stop working on being true to myself that I am selling myself and everyone that I can share this experience with short.