Sunday 29th November
So I’m still writing it really is the format that after actual conversation I find the easiest to convey what it is I want to say. Somehow video messages don’t feel quite the same to me and I had such an urge to post today.
The amazing thing about this year for me has been that all the healing and breakthroughs have come at the time I was ready to deal with them – I didn’t have to go facing things I was afraid or even unaware needed to be faced until they naturally came up, and each day as my true self was strengthened it meant that when issues came I up I was better equipped to deal with them.
Because now I know I’m never alone, I know that once I am a friend to myself I can deal with anything.
I know that some people say they don’t have time to look within themselves and heal the hurt, or that it’s selfish to put your self-worth first but it is vital because it is the difference between the impact you have on others and this world being positive or negative.
And if you are a parent it is your responsibility to work on yourself, break negative cycles so you can provide a positive environment to grow up in. I have not been the perfect Mother (such a thing doesn’t exist) but the priceless gift this experience has given me is my relationship with my children now. Clearing out all of my baggage means it's not filling their minds and lives. because that baggage doesn't shrink it's power grows when we hold onto it and it takes our energy. Energy that could be used on all things good- gratitude, love and joy. And you don't have to talk about negativity for it to effect children, you don't have to act it out. When guilt, shame, anger, feelings of worthlessness are in you they are a part of you that touches others same as when you meet someone who radiates love you want to be close to them to benefit from their energy.
Over the last few weeks something I suppose I already knew came so clear. That the way we live our lives, the beliefs we have about our self-worth, money, relationships and the way we should live our lives are so often created as children. Beliefs that are formed by minds that are often not equipped to process the circumstances that they found themselves a part of.
So if you have a belief that doesn’t serve you in a positive way it’s a belief that needs to be set free.
Jack Canfield put it into great words last week…
“If you were about to board a plane, the pilot walked passed and he was six years old would you still board or wait for the next one?
Why would you let thoughts formed by a six year old choose your life?”
It’s not a new fact to anyone reading this blog that I am a great manifester (in fact on Thursday I manifested a trip to Los Angeles in one hour!) but that I have had blocks with money and really valuing my self-worth. My trip to Philadelphia and a few conversations there with an amazing Business Coach - who in 3 days became a friend and someone I will forever be so grateful to have met- sparked a change inside me and that change boosted my true self again and put me in a place where I was ready to address some issues from my past.
And I discovered that I had made the decision about the good I was worthy of in my life aged about seven years old. It was then that circumstances I was too young to process meant I filled myself up with guilt and shame that I held tightly all of my life.
I’ve been releasing those feelings throughout this whole process, along with my negative body image, anxiety and all of the things I’d do to distract myself from that voice inside that kept trying to tell me “you deserve more than this Hannah, it’s meant to be better…” and this week I could feel the last knot of it deep inside and I knew so strongly that it is the last of all that has been holding me back my entire life from experiencing all the joy that our lives are meant to hold.
Now it fought to stay providing me with stress, anxiousness and even a sick stomach yesterday. As I slept last night memories from my past flooded to the forefront of my mind and I was able to see that small version of me all those years ago when she made the decision that she needed to fill this bag of guilt and drag it around with her and I was able to tell her “No you don’t need to bring that with you- it’s not meant for you” and in doing that I set both of us free.
I’ve said a few times that I’m ready for all that is coming but right now in this moment sitting here, I won’t lie with some tears streaming.
I have let it go, I have let it all out, filled the space it left with the belief that I am meant to live the most amazing life and enjoy the wonder of it every moment.
Now I am ready.
Now I am ready.