Wednesday, 28 October 2015

Gratitude Part 2 - Transformed How I Felt About Me

Wednesday 28th October


Gratitude Part Two


I wanted to come back to gratitude because for me it was hugely significant in my journey of healing and self-discovery. It was the first thing I began to practice when I first read The Secret. For my experiment it started as something I wanted to become a habit.
Being grateful makes me smile and it has the ability to replace negative emotions anger, stress, envy with love and calm in a matter of moments.

As my experiment progressed it became more than a feel good trigger. As my gratitude for everyday events and possessions deepened I started to become more aware of the world around me. Waking each morning my head would immediately be filled with the thoughts of all I had. Looking out of my window I began to feel grateful for the beauty of the leaves on the trees- things that would have bothered me before- dirty dishes on the counter instead made me glad for the dishes. It was the beginning of feeling connected to everything around me and a realization that this world and our life is so much more than how we look and our material possessions. I felt like I was beginning to wake up, that I didn’t need to distract myself continuously with Facebook, cleaning, dieting or keeping up appearances. I didn’t need to keep trying to be something better, because I could just be.

I could see all I wanted to do, my goals and dreams but was no longer living for them to happen because gratitude allowed me to see the good in my life now.

How often do we say (and had I said before) when we book a holiday “thank god I have something to look forward to.”

It’s amazing to not live my life like that anymore. There is a huge amount coming up for me and it’s exciting but it is so good to be able to enjoy the moment.

Having spent years and years trying to change my body in some way. To get thinner, leaner more toned. All the different diets I had tried, all the times I cried when getting dressed for a night out because I felt fat. The amount of times I stood in front of the mirror criticizing what I saw and wanting it to be different. Not once in all those years did I ever say thank you for what I had. Every night I went to bed thinking about how much better I would feel when I got a perfect body. That is a trick my mind played on me because changing my body was never going to make me feel better- changing how I felt about it was.

The relief that came with seeing beyond my appearance with giving myself a break and accepting that I was so much more than I how I looked came from being able to finally look at how I was now in that very moment and say thank you.

Gratitude taught me to see beyond what I wanted and become aware of all I had. It grew and grew each day so much so that sometimes when I walk down the street I almost fall over because I’m looking at the sky, the leaves on the trees and the beauty of it all makes  me want to jump around and shout out “look at what we all have around us”. It fills me with a sensation like the sun hitting my face. At first it simply lifted my mood but it became so much more, it allowed me to forgive people in my past, I became grateful for seemingly negative events from my past because I knew that they happened exactly as they were meant to so I could be exactly where I am now.

When things don’t go the way I’ve planned being able to stay grateful allows me to know that something better is coming rather than wasting time on anger and frustration.

Now I’m not saying I don’t get angry and frustrated in fact yesterday was a day that seemed filled with frustration. I wasn’t feeling well and nothing seemed to be working out, as I tried to resist and fight the emotions I felt worse but it was only when I let go of control and let them in that they melted away.

Change is good. I am working each day towards being the best version of myself and living my very best life and this is what I encourage everyone to do but the first step on a journey of self-improvement of any kind career, health, financial, love is to see the good in the way it is now and say thank you.



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