Saturday 22nd August
I have had a truly amazing week with each day getting more so. Have been really busy with amongst other things new runclubs, planning a talk for Suicide awareness week in September, a teen workshop and a daily webcast with Lisa Nichols- exhilarating to be learning from someone who is doing exactly what I want to, hence the fact that I haven’t blogged since Monday. Next week my aim is to be back blogging every couple of days.
Having had a few days with anxiety last weekend the cause of which I couldn’t put my finger on but I just knew I didn’t feel quite myself, I did my best to just go with the emotions and wait for the answer to come clear. It always does and did so on Monday morning. I actually asked out loud “Why do I feel the need to be anxious? What is the cause of this?” I’d only days before written a blog about all my goals and dreams and had been feeling really excited.
Then it hit me like a flash, deep down there was a part of me that was a little bit afraid of change. Even though I really want to move forward and do all the things I’ve talked about that inner part of me was nervous about change. Perhaps because we moved so often when I was a child -perhaps because I started so many new schools which of course was a cause for anxiety- but it doesn’t matter why because the past is over and I am grateful for all of it without it I couldn’t be this exact version of myself that I am now.
So what did I do? I spoke to myself out loud (for the second time this week!) and said “you don’t need to be afraid of change and all that is coming because I can take care of you now and I will”
It might sound a bit strange but it was as if a weight was lifted and it made so clear to me again the importance of being kind to ourselves. When you can love yourself and treat yourself with kindness and respect then it takes fear out of the equation because no matter what happens you have “got your back” so to speak. It’s a really good feeling.
Of course there are going to be some days that it is a bit harder than others but when you can be a friend to yourself they are few.
When I think of how hard I was on myself all of my life and when I think how hard people are on themselves it makes me even more focused on my goal of helping people feel good about themselves. It is life changing and something that can’t be bought.
When money is something you lack it is easy to think that is what is stopping you from feeling good. This is not the case and there are plenty of unhappy rich people who will vouch for that. I am so glad that I found happiness before wealth.
Speaking of money I had a breakthrough and realization of some of my subconscious beliefs about money that were blocking me from the abundance I want which was another weight off. Monday’s blog topic perhaps.
Back to now and my life is transformed, I am unrecognisable from the person that sat in darkness last December that held her head in her hands desperate to end the torment that came from simply being. Unrecognisable also from the person that spent most of life smiling on the outside, but inside feeling stressed, needing to prove my worth by striving for and reaching goal after goal but still feeling unfulfilled and guilty for feeling that way.
As I sit here typing I am filled with so much gratitude for the life I lived and the life I am living now. It is a precious gift to wake up each morning on this planet and I want to live each day to the absolute fullest and I am.
It would be fantastic if you can join me today for a live Facebook chat about this experiment, changing mind set, gratitude- anything you want to know at 16.30pm (GMT) on my page https://www.facebook.com/secretexperiment
If you would rather remain anonymous you can private message questions to the same page and I will do my best to answer them on the page (so everyone benefits from the answer.)
“How you feel determines how you feel about your life. How you feel about you determines how amazing it will be. Who doesn’t want to love their life?”
Presently the subtitle for my book- very exciting!