Friday, 14 August 2015

Letting Go Of Control.


Friday 14th August

This isn’t a blog I was intending to write because I didn’t know that I was going to wake up this morning feeling anxious and overwhelmed. But I did and as this has always been an honest blog and that is something that is so important to me here we go…

Last night I didn’t get to bed until 2.30am. I wasn’t doing anything crazy, though to me it was exciting- a live webcast with Steve Harrison about a fantastic programme that I would love to apply for and take part in and with the time difference it didn’t begin until midnight.

As I listened to all it offers the more I knew I had everything needed to be accepted the drive, passion, motivation, and that it would be a sure thing this would guarantee me success as an Author and Speaker it would be a financial investment I know would make its money back over and over and is the obvious route to my dreams coming true.

And there is the catch, I have absolutely everything required except the money and we’re talking about €10,000 plus I was thinking that I’d love to clear my personal loans and then do the course so ideally going to the ATM and seeing €20,000 would be great.

Now I know from this experience that the most amazing things can happen in ways you least expect when you let go of trying to control how and I also know that when I began this experiment I had lots of things blocking me from happiness. I was stressed, anxious all of the time and I dealt with this anxiety by dieting and over exercising. If I felt anxious about a bill my mind would distract me from that worry and replace it with thoughts of how unattractive I was. How I needed to be thinner or leaner. People have different ways of dealing with anxiety drinking, cleaning, drugs, eating it's often subconscious mine - exercise, dieting and trying to be perfect- was.

But that was my life always for a long time and this experiment has transformed it.

Proved again this morning because although I woke feeling anxious I didn’t for one moment feel badly about my body or myself as a person and when the anxiety led to tears I smiled at times realizing that I still felt good about me.

I have experienced happiness that I didn’t even realize existed since this began which is why I am so passionate to share with the world the things that you can do to be happier. How you feel  about yourself determines how you feel about life. I firmly believe you can't experience lasting happiness if you don't love yourself and all the money, success, good looks or fame can't guarantee you will.

But I’m human and yes I am positive probably 97% of the time but I am going to have days when I don’t feel as good as I want to feel and today was one of those.

I know that by worrying about a lack of money all that does is bring more of the same, by stressing and feeling anxious I will just bring more of the same so this morning it was like a vicious cycle as I tried to fight off the negative thoughts(something I else I know doesn’t work!)

Add the fact that I’ve never been very good at asking for help or letting people know that I’m not ok and with this experiment the pressure to feel like that could increase but like I said I’m human and as perfectly imperfect as everyone else.

So I rang my Mum and I cried down the phone and told her exactly how I was feeling. That I wanted so badly to do this Quantum Leap programme, that I was trying to be positive but I was tired of not having enough when I worked so hard, that I didn’t want to seem ungrateful but I was feeling frustrated. How feeling that way was making me doubt everything. I got it all out and you know what as I was saying it I knew the answer and I knew the advice I would give someone else who was telling me the same thing.

That would be to give myself a break, to look at all I have achieved so far, to remember all of the messages from everyone saying what a positive impact my blog and talks have had on their lives and to let go of trying to control the how and why of my dreams coming true.

Because in a week of students getting exam results that is what I have been saying “remember there are so many roads to your goals other than the obvious that there is never only one way” and I had been doing the opposite this week. I was so focused and wanted so badly to do the Quantum Leap program  http://www.steveharrison.com/     that I had my blinkers on and I was trying so hard to manifest more money that it was having the reverse effect and making me even more aware of lack.

This amazing experience meant again that what could have been a day of anxiety and stress passed in a few hours and again proved that even when things "feel wrong they are right" each time I experience these types of days they are followed by something amazing.

I know that my goals and dreams(so many have already) will come true and that it is when I am relaxed and full of happiness and love that I will manifest all I need for them to do so- that’s worked very well for me so far.

So it’s Friday afternoon and tonight is a lovely 10k run with my fantastic runclub this, then I’m taking the opportunity to chill out at my Mum’s house for a couple of days, leaving book, blog, Facebook( live Q&A next Sat 22nd at 16.30 (GMT)) and emails behind and just be.
 
 
 
We all have so many different emotions and fighting them doesn't benefit anyone today I let them pass through and like this poem by Rumi says they cleared the way.
 
The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.


Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.


The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

— Jellaludin Rumi,

https://www.google.ie/#q=rumi


You can also email questions to me at hannahlillyfitness@hotmail.com which I will answer on FB next Sat. My page is https://www.facebook.com/secretexperiment if you like the page you'll be notified of blogs and I post updates to page every day.
 

 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

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