Day 181 of 182
Monday 3rd August
It is the day before the final day of my experiment. Day 182.
When I first sat at this laptop on Day one what lay ahead was unknown but what I did know was that I had reached a point in my life where it couldn’t get any worse and that I physically couldn’t continue on as I was. So the choice I felt I had at the time was to end it or to try and make it better. This is a choice I want no one to feel is an option and inspires me daily to share what is possible and how amazing life can be.
This experiment began because of the book that I read nearly a year ago today. The Secret http://www.thesecret.tv. Because that book opened my eyes to the fact that I had a control over my life no matter what was happening to me or around me.
A fact that I pushed away during the months following the competition last year, the months that I hated the sight of myself. When I felt angry, alone and exhausted. When each day was a struggle, a feat of endurance to simply survive and I wished that my life was over. But that fact remained hidden away and when I needed it when I was making that choice it gave me the hope to try.
One evening in early January I asked Christian where the coldest place on earth was. He replied “Antarctica” and I told him that I wished I could be there alone and freeze to death.
That was my mind set in January 2015.
Now on Monday 3rd August 2015 I am sitting at the same laptop in my room and my mind set and life have changed forever.
This was about more than reading a book and my life changing, I had to make the decision to work at it but what could be more worthwhile to work on than your life? From Day one I began to feel better and each of those days have all added up and led me here.
Gratitude, kindness, love – things that were part of my ten rules have become a part of me- and I really am seeing the world through new eyes.
In the beginning I wanted to be in California tomorrow to complete my journey on my own in a place I know is a part of my future but as today I know that being here in the place and with the people who were with me when the journey began is exactly where I am meant to be.
California is coming everything I dream of is coming and after tomorrow I will stop numbering my days but the journey continues.
On the 14th January 2015 I was in an article in The Sunday Independent about self-help books. I spoke only of my earlier experience reading the book not what I had been currently going through. Feeling vulnerable about my looks but agreed to a photo thinking it would just be a small passport size picture.
I ended up with a double page spread on the same page as two of women I wanted to meet (I will) Oprah Winfrey and Rhonda Byrne. My experiment was just a seed then but I’d mentioned it to the journalist and that night The Secret followed me on twitter it was a reminder that when we listen the Universe gives us signs that we are on the right path and I decided for definite it was what I was going to do.
Thank you to everyone who has been on this journey with me, the people I see everyday, everyone reading this blog, the support through twitter and face book. The amazing friends I have made along the way. Thank you.
The experiment might be almost over but the blog, book and my now amazing life are carrying on.