Sunday 30th August
It’s my birthday today and the best present ever was to wake up and not only like but love the woman looking back at me in the mirror.
I know it makes some of you feel a bit uncomfortable, and some of you think that "loving yourself" means having a big head and being selfish. This is something I can tell you for a fact is not the case it is actually quite the opposite.
This day last year I was a week away from giving my first ever talk, I had read The Secret at the beginning of August and was excited to share what I’d learned. The “Aha” moment for me being that I had control of my thoughts and feelings, that I wasn’t a victim to external circumstances and that I could create my life.
I was a little over a month away from stepping on stage for my first ever body building competition in the bikini category something I planned to do I thought probably just once and then begin a more balanced life (I hadn’t eaten sugar in two years), plans for a new business idea were in place my dream was then as it is now to help people live their best lives and I was sure that everything was exactly the way it was meant to be.
Everything was exactly the way it was meant but I didn’t know what was to come and that I had one very important lesson to learn before I would be able to help people to love their lives.
I had to learn to love myself and to learn that I had to first realize that I hated myself which became blindingly obvious in the weeks after the competition and the 3 painful months that followed.
Without those months I never would have decided as a last hope to begin my 182 day Secret Experiment and blog, to try and manage my Eating Disorder, to try and feel better -my life wouldn’t have changed.
Over the last few days I’ve been thinking a lot about my message and what it is that I want to share with the world.
Was is it that I do?
What is it that I want to do?
I help people feel good about themselves and that helps them feel good about their lives. Last night I read through some pages of my journal from last December and was reminded of all I have achieved. With Suicide Awareness week approaching what I want to raise awareness of, is the fact that you can hit rock bottom, you can wish for your life to be over, your days can be filled with anxiety and torment but that doesn’t mean you are stuck there.
No matter what age you are, whether you feel you’ve hit rock bottom, whether you have simply accepted that life is a struggle to be endured with fleeting moments of happiness, or if you think “is this it?” no matter what is going on in your life, no matter what has happened in your past, or how other people are treating you, no matter how badly you feel right now, no matter how hopeless it may feel, no matter what weight you are, inside is the real you and you have so much power to bring about change.
There is a better life for you to live, I promise. And I’ll keep sharing how I found this out, talking, writing, shouting from the rooftops and blogging about it for as long as there are people who want a better life.
36 today and in the year that I accepted that perfection doesn’t exist, that being positive doesn’t mean there won’t be moments that I feel sad or scared but that is ok , and that most importantly the year I made friends with myself which meant that I am able to live out my dreams and make them a reality.
You can choose to have the most caring, nurturing, loving and selfless friend with you at all times. How do you speak to that friend each day?