Day 117 of 182
I'm sitting at my kitchen table posting this from my phone (which seems to always make the font smaller-back to normal tomorrow when I'll have access to my laptop again) and as I sit here my cheekbones are tingling from smiling so much.
Why the smiles? Because I now know beyond any doubt that this works. On Friday I had a panic attack in my bedroom over the thoughts of going out for a family meal filled with such severe anxiety that I hadn't experienced since January. The negative voice in my head was screaming at me, feeling uncomfortable and wanting to remove myself from my body I couldn't stop crying and the last thing I wanted to do was go out. Along with feeling totally rubbish about myself a feeling of failure tagged along- that I was failing everyone who I've told about the power we have inside of us to choose how we want to feel and live a life with much less stress, anxiety and negativity. Failing everyone who has told me this blog inspires them to live a happier life.
Before this began I would have made my excuses, withdrawn from friends and family and given the Eating Disorder & it's negative voice full control of my life. Believe me I badly wanted to. My kids were so excited about this meal and I realised how many times before I and they had missed out because of the way I felt about myself and this time I got myself out.
When I returned home that evening I was still really upset and wondered what it all meant. I know now why this all happened but that is for another blog. The force of which these emotions had struck left me feeling exhausted and vulnerable. But I'm not perfect, I'm human and hard days will come as they do to us all and I went to bed deciding to focus on what I wanted - to feel happy and comfortable in my own skin again.
When I woke yesterday morning I had that flutter of anxiety in my chest but determined to turn it around I really concentrated on what I have in my life already and how far I'd come. I stopped thinking about the negative emotions I didn’t want to feel and instead focused on the feelings I wanted and in less than an hour ( yes an hour) I felt even better than I had in weeks.
Amazing amazing amazing. That is how I feel now overjoyed and grateful for the horrible way I felt on Friday because I know hard days are now just that -no longer weeks, months or years.
This morning I feel refreshed and inspired. Ready to go all out for all I want to achieve. I had decided last week to study the Law of Attraction in some more detail and came across an interesting book online, two days later the very same book caught my eye on the shelf in Bahia a lovely shop in Mullingar where I had gone to buy some incense & I picked up the book second hand -that's the Law of Attraction in action.
Yesterday as I thought of all I was grateful for until a physical feeling swelled up in my heart my phone rang and another opportunity to talk about this experiment came along. Again this morning something similar happened and yesterday after driving from Dublin smiling every time i saw my dream car a good friend let me take his Audi A6 out for a spin- FANTASTIC and a definite addition to the tingling cheekbones.
So it works. It really really works. If right now you don't feel great take a hold of the power you have and take the smallest step towards feeling happier.
All those small steps turn into leaps.
I actually want to shout this out to the world and I WILL.
"The greatest revolution in our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner aspect of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives."
William James (1842-1910) The Secret Daily Teachings