Sunday, 12 April 2015

Day 68 of 182. Part one of my lifechanger.


Day 68 of 182

Sunday 12th March

 

I woke this morning feeling happy and excited, I’m meeting a friend for dinner tonight and that had me feeling this way.

 

The feeling of happiness is something I have been thinking about a lot lately as I have come to the realisation that it was the main trigger for my negative thoughts about myself and the also my disordered relationship with food and body image.

This has been a real life changer for me and I wrote today for hours, but I don’t feel it’s ready to post.

 I really want to take the time to get what I want to say right.

With my talk coming up on the 7th May I will have the amazing opportunity to say all I want to in person. Of course a little part of my mind was worrying and asking "will people come?"  I'm not letting it take over. I also know that for my first talk last year I visualized that room full (even though people thought I was crazy) and on the night it was. Focusing on what I want not what I don't want.

 I know that whether through writing or talking the thing I'm meant to do is share all this that I'm learning because I know that it can help people. That's not me being self indulgent or thinking I have all the answers because I'm learning every day. But I know where I was and it was horrible and I know where I am now and it's amazing so I have to share how that happened.

A clip from the end of the blog I wrote today is below...

 

The past is full of events some of them painful and upsetting, that joined together to make us who we are. We can’t change them. We can trawl through them trying to find the how’s and why’s but I believe this brings more pain.

It is simpler-simple does not mean easy- but it is simpler to begin now to learn to love yourself.

 When you do this, when you forgive yourself, let go of guilt, anger and resentment. When you start fresh and begin to love you, you will begin to believe you deserve happiness and unlock the door to a life beyond your wildest dreams.