Wednesday, 11 March 2015

Day 36 of 182. happiness and toasted sandwiches.


Day 36 of 182

Wednesday 11th March

 

I really want to write. I am missing it so much and have lot’s to say but with a diagnosis of whiplash and concussion sitting in front of the laptop is not ideal scenario for healing.

So this will be quick.

 It would be easy for me to just be really annoyed and cross right now, and perhaps some people would say I deserve a few days off of “being positive”, I don’t like not being 100% and I have been struggling today, woke cross, teary and ready to tear off my letterbox that was driving me crazy banging in the wind.

But……..

A man is but the products of his thoughts. What he thinks he becomes.”

Mahatma Ghandi
 
 
 
 

I have to just keep bringing it back to mindfulness, to the moment and to being grateful. I know after 36 days the almost unbelievable things that can happen when I choose “happy” over “not happy” and if it takes a bit of extra effort these next few days I will put it in.

Yesterday I had 9 hours of no phone or distractions, actually managed some meditation with no props a first for me.

No matter what the circumstance I always have the choice to be happy, it’s not always the easiest one but I have the choice.

I’m glad this didn’t happen until Monday because I had an amazing weekend, Saturday running in the Phoenix park and Sunday I got to the cinema twice once with the kids to see Shaun the Sheep and then in the evening to see Selma. (I had my O2 priority moments €5 cinema ticket, but had left my phone at home as I was trying to stay unplugged! So I paid full price €9 for the ticket but instead of being annoyed it made me appreciate the fact that I can get €5 tickets with O2…always a silver lining if you look.)

Selma was one of the most amazing, inspirational and powerful films I have ever seen and when I woke Monday I felt so grateful to be safe, to have choices and when I got my bang to the head it made me glad that mine was accidental and I thought of the people beaten on that bridge 50 years ago by law enforcement, people who were simply peacefully expressing their wish and right to vote.

 

 

 

If this last 36 days has taught me anything it’s that I have the ability to make great things happen, knowing that regardless of the situation I have a choice to be happy and that I alone that hold responsibility for my own happiness.


Last week after my first ever Reiki session I arrived home excitable and started to tell Christian about it, now he would have a different view on certain alternative treatments and I sensed that he wasn’t really buying it.

 I got really upset, proper crying. It took me by surprise. I told him that I didn’t understand why I felt such a need for him to agree with me, that I don’t want to “prove” any of this to anyone else but that somehow it always upsets when I feel that we're not on the same page about something.

He wasn’t saying that I was foolish or that he didn’t believe it had helped just that he has a different opinion as to whether it’s the reiki or simply the benefit of relaxing for an hour.

Anyway I took myself upstairs and had a moment. My time outs have become quite regular now.

I thought about how I am responsible for how I feel, I know this.

 It became so clear to me that for all the years we have been together (19) I have always relied on Christian to make sure everything was O.K. for me. On the rare occasions he was in a bad mood or didn’t agree with me I would feel freaked out, worried and I see now that it was because I didn't know how to boost or cheer myself up if he wasn't in the mood to "mind" me

I don’t need to rely on him to be happy any more. Which is much fairer on him. If we don’t agree on something that doesn’t mean he loves me any less. My self belief, absent for a while is back.

 If I don’t feel good or need cheering up I can do it myself. Of course it's lovely to have someone to love and support me, to  want me to be happy but it is also a really good feeling knowing that I have the ability to control how I feel.

So often we can be disappointed in other people in the way they treat us or the way they react to situations, everyone has stuff going on in there own lives, and if you can make yourself feel the way you wanted them to make you feel it's no longer an issue.



Time to go, a nap is calling and Christian has made me a lovely toasted sandwich, like I said other people can make you happy(and make you toasted sandwiches!!) but it's not their responsibility.

“Your life is in your hands, but you must learn to gain control of your thoughts. All of your problems of fear, failure and doubts are because your mind is ruling you.

Your mind has taken over, and you are the slave and victim of your uncontrolled negative thoughts. It is as simple as that. Take control of your mind and your thoughts. Every day, bit by bit, watch your thoughts.

When a negative thought comes stamp it out, and refuse to allow a negative thought to take root in you by thinking of something good instead. Think more and more and more good thoughts, and soon they will come automatically.”

The Secret Daily Teachings

 

This post Day 11 Rule #5 talks about being aware of negativity and choosing happy in a bit more depth.