Thursday, 5 March 2015

Day 30 of 182. If it hadn't happened to me I don't know if I'd believe it.


Day 30

Thursday 5th March

I had posted this but had to come back and add this in, it's brilliant that I have experienced really big changes so far but equally brilliant are the small things, how helpful and smiling they were at the checkout this evening in the Supermarket. Same in the restaurant that I collected our dinner from. In the 30 days I have noticed such kindness in those around me and it has gone on my list.

 

I chose 6 months as the length of this experience for a number of reasons, at first it was going to be a year but 6 months will bring me one year exactly since the Secret came into my life and I'm looking forward to that anniversary. In fact I have visualized exactly where I will spend it.

So the final day is August 4th 2015 though that's when this 6 months ends. There is no end, with my daily rules I seem to have created a handbook , that works, to live a really good life. A much better life than the one I was living.
 
Rules sounds a little too strict now, but the person I was 30 days ago definitely needed the discipline, now I have so much more faith and trust in myself, my ability to create happiness, to make the right decision and also trust in the Universe which keeps proving each day that it is here to help.


Another reason for selecting 6 months was that I felt it should be a long enough time to make some fairly significant changes to my life. At that, I began this still thinking that the main issues my Eating Disorder and Anxiety would probably not be completely gone in this time but more manageable.

Both for me went hand in hand if one eased the other worsened if I tried to not track food or binged my anxiety would rocket, if I followed a rigid, restrictive diet and exercise plan my anxiety would ease. Behaviours I’d had since I was at least 10 years old. That’s 25 years.

Anyone who knows me will agree that I had always been like this, in fact a lot of people probably never even thought I had a problem it was just me my personality. So my desire had been that if by August 4th by focusing on the positive and how I wanted to be, eating a variety of foods with my family, allowing myself chocolate without having a huge argument with myself, no binging, this would have been a success.

So it’s safe to say that here now on day 30, this experience has blown me away. There aren’t even the words really to explain how it feels. I’ll try.

Phenomenal, fantastic, liberating, unbelievable, exciting, and surreal.
 

If it hadn't actually happened to me I don't know if I would believe it.
 
I don’t want to talk a lot about the negative, but I really want people to know how bad it had got, how low I was feeling before. Because that is what makes this even more remarkable to me. Not only did I not love myself, all the time even when I had the leanest most toned body I hated myself, deep down to the core. Just typing that is shocking to me almost and I’m very glad it’s not the case now.
 
 

 

I decided this week that I needed to concentrate more on being mindful, living in the moment, getting a work/life balance and exciting as it is to think of the future, it is equally exciting to enjoy right now.

Yesterday afternoon I went up to my room and sat on my bed with a cup of tea (My Grandmother always went for a rest each day then had a cup of tea and a digestive biscuit, she was definitely onto something).

I had brought books with me but decided to just sit, hands toasty wrapped around the hot mug, sun streaming in, I looked at my beautiful vision board, my gratitude and love lists. Then closed my eyes and listened to the sound of children playing outside, the hum of an aeroplane. I sat for maybe 10 minutes but felt so calm, refreshed and happy. I felt so full of love for my life and knowing that nothing else could make that feeling any better. Yes there is lot’s I want to do, places I want to see, and things I want to do. I want to earn plenty of money for myself, my family and for others. But most importantly I know that I can get that amazing feeling right now exactly as things are.

 

There will be people who will worry that this is a “phase” or say “long may it last” mostly because they are nervous, that if I’m so happy now what will happen when it ends? Because that is how we are trained to think that feeling good doesn’t last. “Better make the most of it”

But it can last and it will, because in 30 days I have discovered that inside of me is more power than I ever thought possible, that happiness can last forever because regardless of situations or people, always inside of me is the ability to choose my thoughts, to choose happiness.

 

“There is no outside force that can affect your life unless you give that force power with your thoughts. The greatest power is within you.

Use the power within, and realize that for your life there is nothing mightier in the world.” Rhonda Byrne- The Secret Daily Teachings