Monday 2nd March
“If you want to feel rich, look at all you have in your life now that money can’t buy”
When I woke this morning I was aware of anxiety, tends to be in my stomach and also a little flutter at the back of my throat.
So I lay in bed for a while longer than usual, looking at a cobweb floating around the ceiling, the sun coming in through the curtains and lighting up the specks of dust making them sparkle. Concentrated on my breathing and on how healthy I was feeling, all traces of the bug I had last week are definitely gone.
It has always been normal for me to experience anxiety at the beginning of the month, rent is due as are most bills and money has been something that caused me great stress in the past.
I don’t like debt- who does- but often it could seep into all of my thoughts and ruin days and weeks. Also as a distraction from anxiety my, oh so helpful mind would often decide to start telling me that I was fat and I would busy myself with diets and training rather than sorting out the real issue.
It started off as a way of my mind trying to help and protect me as a child when I needed a way to feel control in my life.
Anyway that distraction tool is no longer in use and again I am so grateful that I started this experience, I’m so aware of my feelings and how I can choose them.
This morning I thought about how anxiety and excitement feel quite similar so instead of saying “Oh I’m anxious” I said to myself I’m excited.” I imagined that I was excited because I was going to have an amazing email in my inbox today, that lots of brilliant stuff was going to happen, and it would be one of the best days ever”
You might think I’m mad, that it’s silly to pretend that I need to get back into reality.
The thing is I am in reality and the one thing I know for sure is this very moment is the only one we know we have for certain and I have a choice to fill these moments worrying about things that haven’t happened yet or feeling the very best I possibly can.
Sitting on the bed I held my beautiful cat, listening to her purring is like healing for me, sometimes I will gently lay my head on her belly and close my eyes. The sound totally soothes me. (Funnily enough after I wrote this but before I posted it, I was talking to a friend, cats came into conversation and she told me that the Ancient Egyptians who worshipped cats believed that their purring was a form of healing.)
Looking out the window thought how there was such beauty in the crisp snow, tire tracks, vivid blue sky felt so grateful that our house is so warm we don’t know that it’s been snowing until we open the curtains.
Then I remembered that it’s Monday and I get to start my day with my weekly donation to 3 charities Aware, Headstrong & Bodywhys (links to each at the end of this post) something that does make me excited.
Rule #9 Giving. Instead of waiting until I have enough I will start now and each week donate 10% of my weekly earnings to charity.
Got dressed, favourite sweatshirt white with AWESOME printed in huge black lettering, neon pink runners (trainers for those of you outside of Ireland…we call them runners here; can cause confusion in case you thought I kept actual human runners painted neon in my house!!).
Complimented my reflection as rule 3 states, something else to smile about,27 days in it doesn’t feel like a big deal anymore.
Coffee in my favourite huge (chipped but I won’t throw it away) mug, a gift from my Dad. I love it.
Laptop on, worked out the donation seemed smaller this week, being self-employed it varies, but I know that they are grateful for any amount, next week it will be more as I’m going to add in 50cent from each Hannah Lilly runclub bib sold ( that sounds like a sales pitch doesn’t it?)
Logged in to make my bank transfer and…………………
In fact less than zero and I don’t have an overdraft so I’m not sure how that works.
Anxiety jumped for joy, what a result how is she going to imagine her way out of this one? Find your silver lining now Hannah Lilly!
Well you know what? I did.
Allowed myself a few minutes of panic, then thought about it and at least it proves that when I say I’m not waiting until I have “enough” to start giving that's true.
When I tell most people about this rule the response tends to be that they don’t have enough to do the same, I’m not judging anyone and I do this for a variety of reasons, one simply is that it makes me feel really happy inside.
The first morning I made the bank transfer it was a better feeling than if I had been given ten times the amount.
I emailed the charities told them it would be in by tomorrow morning at the latest, if I have to count the cents in our change jar I will.
I had planned to meet a friend for coffee this morning ,so even though I had decided I was no longer using my credit card, until the day I have the money to pay my bill in full each month, a day that will come; it could have a last day out and buy me a breakfast.
But the biggest silver lining is that I had wanted to write a bit about this rule and about how changing our feelings can also change how we feel about money, I'd been putting it off as I wasn’t actually sure that I could and even starting to think on Sunday when I went to write it how money had made me feel before, I felt bad so I stopped writing it.
I know absolutely, for certain (how? I just know) that I will have a bank balance much higher than zero, but right now it doesn't matter anyway.
This morning was a test and though I would have doubted myself if I knew it was coming. I passed with flying colours.
Now this morning I couldn’t be happier. My life is full to the brim of wonderful things that fill me with love and money can’t buy any of them.
“Material things are wonderful, and experiencing them is one of the great pleasures of living on earth, but through the conditioning of society we can be misled inti thinking that the accruement of material things is the purpose of our life. If material things were the purpose of our life they would provide true happiness, fulfilment, and satisfaction, and we’d never need to buy another thing. The happiness we feel when we get those things wouldn’t be fleeting, but everlasting.
If accruing material things were our purpose in life, we would be able to take them with us when we leave. You would walk outside to get the paper in the morning and see that old Man Joe’s house across the street had disappeared because he took it with him. We can’t take material things with us because they are not who we are; while they are part of the joy of living on earth, they are not the purpose of our life.”
Hero- Rhonda Byrne
This morning a wonderful friend who the Universe most definitely meant for me to become friends with last year gave me a copy of “You can heal your life” by Louise Hay
I haven’t read this book but seeing the title made me realise that in the last 27 days ,by following my 10 rules inspired by "the Secret" this is what I have done, I have healed my life.
Goose bump moment.
Oh one more thing...today I stood in the gym in my "Awesome" sweatshirt and that is exactly how I felt.
Training my mind set and working on the inner me have brought more lasting joy, love and happiness than all the external changes I made to my body ever did.
When I qualified as a Personal Trainer I thought I would want to spend my life helping people change their bodies but I know if I can, I am of much more benefit if I can help people change their minds.
If you are in a place of struggle and hardship right now please believe me when I say that I know it can be better and that there is another side.
Below are links to the 3 charities/support networks that for this 6 months I am donating to.