Wednesday, 11 February 2015

Day 5 - Green Eyes


Day 5

Sunday 8th February

Rule #3 Be kind to my reflection. Pay myself a compliment when I look in the mirror.

Sunday mornings start with a progress runclub session.
After a lovely evening the night before I am a little tired which can be a trigger for self-criticism but I jump out of the bed.
It’s one of those really fresh cold misty mornings and as we jog on the canal, chatting away I am so filled with gratitude for the people, the path, my health, the sky. It’s hard not to sound gushy and a bit crazy but there is no other way to describe it today I am bursting with love for everything. 5 days in 177 left.

I know I am not alone in having spent a lifetime seeing the flaws when I look in the mirror, "resolving" one problem area only to replace it with another. Last year when I gave my talk I spoke about believing that it is how you feel about yourself on the inside that affects your life not the changes you make to the exterior, I sensed though that no one really believed me and perhaps thought “ easy for her to say in her size 8 skinny jeans”… Of course fitting into clothes or being a certain weight can make you feel good but it isn’t lasting. Like money it can distract you from unhappiness but only in the short term.

 Your weight or appearance does not determine the person you are. We’ve all done it woken up feeling good, feeling healthy and happy then stood up on a scales and because it doesn’t display the number you wanted to see felt rubbish. Nearly everyone has their own number or way they want to look. Thinking that when this goal is reached all will be well and life will be amazing. It doesn’t work like that.
 But life can begin to be amazing now, right now exactly as you are.

The day before I competed last year I was still criticising myself. One week after in what some would call “the best physical shape of my life” I was on the floor of my bedroom feeling a failure because I wasn’t managing to live the balanced life I’d been so looking forward to.

 
Planning and following this 6 month “Experience” is as much a therapy for me as anything else and I knew that I wanted to live the rest of my life being kind to me.
I want this for everyone and I want to practice what I preach. I want my children to see all the good in themselves, so the decision to pay myself a compliment when I look in the mirror had to be one of the 10 rules.

 At first it was hard. I felt silly and even when I told people about this rule thought they might be thinking that I was big headed.

On my bad days I wouldn’t look in the mirror or shop windows. A particular dread would be the reflection in the supermarket sliding doors. But on my worst days a frustrated angry panic would take over & I would stand in front of the mirror wishing I could crawl out of my skin.
 My eyes were the easiest thing to focus on at first. I have  actually always liked them. Green eyes like the Coldplay song.

It’s working. Each day I have begun to feel better about myself. Of course there are times it’s harder, in reality no one is going to be on cloud nine all the time. But when I’m tired or hungry and my mind wants to go into the negative zone I work hard to stay on track.

Yesterday sitting in the hairdressers, with no make-up on (well a little concealer…it’s early days) I could see all of me in the huge mirror from top to toe and I felt good and feeling good, feels really good.

 

When you look at yourself and feel dissatisfaction about any part of you, you will continue to attract feelings of dissatisfaction, because the law mirrors back to you exactly what you are holding inside.” The Secret Daily Teachings Rhonda Byrne

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