Day 25 of 182
Saturday 28th February
Woke at 7.30 this morning wrote on my lists, fed Lilly, downstairs kettle on, laptop on all my normal routine, but I felt a little rushed, aware that I had to blog, some emails to catch up on ,two runclubs, one beginners one progress hoped to get to gym afterwards, really want to tidy my wardrobe, appointment for a wash and blow-dry at 5pm then due to head out to see a friend in a local “Strictly come dancing fundraiser”…though the idea of a night on the couch seemed more likely ,so when I sat down to write I was clock watching you know when you feel like your half way through the day ahead.
I got a lot written, about Rule #9 Giving, which also lead to writing more about money and how our attitude towards it or lack of it play a huge part in whether we have it or not. Money has always been one of my greatest causes of anxiety. Anyway like I said when I left for run club at 9.15 it wasn’t finished and didn’t feel quite right like I wasn’t getting across what I meant so it was in the back of my mind was that feeling of pressure to get it sorted when I got home.
Even just typing about how money used to make me feel had a little bit of anxiety creeping in and I started to feel unsure about whether I should have booked such a big bus for the run next week, what if less people wanted to come and I had to pay the balance. Then what if I’d ordered too many Hannah Lilly bibs and wouldn’t have enough to pay………
I know that thinking this way only brings about what you don’t want so to change the way I was feeling I turned on my music and by the time I arrived was feeling somewhat better though still a little anxious.
We left the safety and comfort zone of the flat track and ventured out onto the roads and even some hills. These groups never fail to amaze and inspire me and you know what the worry that maybe the bus might not be full or that I might have a car boot full of Hannah Lilly runclub bibs for years to come dissipated. It doesn’t matter. Everything is and will be exactly as it should be.
Knowing that I have had the privilege to be a part of the journey every one of these people have taken not only in learning how to run but in believing that they can do something they never thought was possible has me crying a little here. I am laughing lots more lately also crying but good happy tears.
I had time to eat an apple and then back out with the progress group for another 5k. Just 4 of us today but it was perfect...
By the time I got back in the car to head home I was full of gratitude, still though feeling a little pressure about getting the blog finished. Now my rule #10 states that I am not meant to pressure myself at being perfect at this so I made the decision to forget about tidying the wardrobe, the gym, a benefit of my new relaxed attitude to food and exercise. Stopped for petrol and something from the deli at the garage.
I love this blog, really look forward to sitting down to write and I don’t ever want it to be something I’m just slogging at or writing for the sake of it…hence the post you are getting now, decided to just write about my day so far.
Also a message from the Secret that came into my inbox last night was
Be aware of the big difference between inspired action and activity. Activity comes from the brain-mind and is rooted in disbelief and lack of faith – you are taking action to “make” your desire happen. Inspired action is allowing the law to work through you and to move you.
Activity feels hard. Inspired action feels wonderful.
Activity feels hard. Inspired action feels wonderful.
It’s so true I’ve been writing now for over an hour and it feels like a minute.
Came in and world war 3 had broken loose, one grumpy six year old not wanting to get dressed and a distraught nine year old telling me in between sobs that she was grounded and going to bed early.
I won’t go into details but this was a well-earned early night!
What followed was a very calm controlled discussion with sobbing 9 year old about how she couldn’t change the situation but could change how she felt about it and still have a really good day.
More sobbing, loudly now almost at the point of collapse.
I admit my voice now raised and a little less calm I told her how from now on both of them will write on a gratitude list each day.
Fast forward 20 minutes and all is well in the house, everyone is smiling and feeling good. Result!
My plans for the rest of the afternoon. Be kind to myself enjoy some family time, a bubble bath maybe. Treat of hairdressers then heading out.
I’m going tonight. On my own. Ticket for one.
Really looking forward to it, I’m sure there will be lots of people there that I know but you know what I’m looking forward to my own company.
I have to share this message with you from a friend today because it made me feel so good.
“You’re reminding me of Carrie Bradshaw, with the curls, the writing and being comfortable enough in your own skin to attend functions on your own for pleasure. You go girl you are an inspiration”
Ok I’m crying again. I have worn this skin for 35 years and I have thought dreadful things about it, I have punished it over and over, treated it badly for a long, long time. Now I am finally comfortable in it. I don’t want to alter or change it. A perfect fit, a one off made for me.
I feel as if I have breathed the biggest sigh of relief an amazing feeling and if I can feel this way so can you.
“Focus on all the wonderful things about you, and when your mind starts to criticize any part of you, stamp out those thoughts. Stop them immediately and switch your mind to the good things about you. If you focus on the good things about you, you will attract an abundance of the good things.
Be kind to yourself, because you deserve it.”
The Secret Daily Teachings
On the headphones All around the World – Oasis- exactly where I want to spread this feeling. I will!!!