Thursday 26th February
I know you want to know so first things first.
Yes I had the Cadburys crème egg.
It was good not mind blowing but tasty and no guilt. The no guilt gave me more of a thrill than the chocolate which by the way tasted to me the way it always did despite the “scandal” this year over the chocolate being low quality.
I love thinking about the future and all that is to come in life (One particular belief/vision, I wrote and put in a sealed envelope last August to open when it comes true!) and when I am feeling good I know that anything is possible but when the self- doubt kicks in like it did yesterday it’s hard not to feel a bit defeated
So when I went to bed last night I did my best to clear my mind and focus on now and all the good things that have happened in the last 6 weeks.
It’s easy to forget sometimes how far we’ve come. I say it over and over in runclub, don’t beat yourself up when something doesn’t go to plan. Look at what you’ve achieved already. When people start they don’t believe they can jog for 2 minutes then when they do 5 minutes start criticising themselves that they are too slow. Not everyone but it happens a lot. It’s a human condition we grow up hearing “Self-praise is no praise” I disagree and tell my children be kind, have fun, do your best and praise yourself as many times a day as you can.
I only made the decision to ease back to work in early January with maybe 1 small runclub, running that weekend I felt overwhelmed with such gratitude that I get to do what I love every day, 2 weeks later I was pictured in the Irish Independent in an article about the Secret, the journalist was a friend of a previous runclub member who had come to my talk and heard me speak about it; that night I received a message on twitter from the Secret team to say thank-you for sharing my story that Rhonda Byrne was excited to hear it- mind-blowing- and another sign for me that the Law of Attraction is a powerful thing and can create things beyond our imagination.
To have my picture on the same page as Rhonda Byrne and Oprah Winfrey was amazing enough, to hear that Rhonda Byrne knew about the experience I was planning was UNBELIEVABLE! I danced in the kitchen that night.
February 4th My blog begins, 2 weeks afterwards two of the biggest runclubs in the 10 months I have been holding them began; this morning I placed an order for 100 luminous bibs, so privileged that people asked for and want to run in something that has my name on it.
Last August I thought I was ready to begin sharing all I had discovered through the Secret.
I wasn’t nearly ready.
Without realising it I was in the grips of an Eating Disorder that I thought I had left me a long time ago. Life it had to get bad enough and hard enough to force me to try and change. I don’t believe in coincidence, I know that the Universe laid the events in place for that to happen.
On the 4th October I stood on stage in my first bikini contest after training and dieting for nearly 2 years. I had been feeling really confident, then at the last minute it all got really rushed and chaotic the last ounce of energy I had to go out and give it my best left me and I just wanted it over with. I can’t actually remember being on the stage but I didn’t make it to the next round. Perhaps if I had been in better form I would have posed better and ranked higher (I came 11 out of 12) perhaps not, but what I do know is that if I had ranked higher I would have wanted to compete again and that would have taken precedence over the desire I had to bring balance into my life.
This desire to bring balance back and eat normal foods is something that I thought would be relatively easy. I burnt my food diary and attempted to eat without knowing the exact weight and breakdown of all food that passed my lips. This in turn lead to lunchtime on 10th October I lifted my plate above my head and threw it across the room such was the level of anxiety and anger inside over eating something I hadn't calculated. My business plans fell through, increasing my anxiety.
I had to face up to the fact that all was not the way it should be, what followed were the worst days of my life that I never want to go through again but they were also the greatest days of my life because they brought me here.
when we keep ignoring the little signs and carrying on the wrong path the
Universe has to really shake things up to make us take notice.
“When things go wrong and we get uprooted, what if that’s not life being against you, or being harsh? What if those moments are a divine storm? And what if those moments are happening because all the things that don’t serve our greatest potential and spiritual path are being uprooted not to punish you but for your best interests? What if your worst week or your worst day was divinely sent, and actually your greatest day?” Mastin Kipp the Hero
In the 23 days since I started following my daily rules and blogging I have had more unbelievable, spine tingling, exhilarating moments filled with pure happiness than I had in a long time.
I have been out for dinners,friends haven’t been able to conceal their excitement when I accept a biscuit or have a cappuccino. But, and I didn’t expect this the food is only a tiny part of it; I can concentrate on a film now without being distracted by whether or not I’m allowed a peanut m&m, eating in a restaurant is pleasurable but more so is enjoying each moment, the company, the occasion; not spending days before fasting or calculating the level of exercise required to even it out.
I am living. Days like yesterday make days like today even better.
No lotto win. No new car. No new body.
One book. 10 rules and I am living a life that has changed forever.
“Here is a test to find out if your mission on earth is finished. If you’re alive,it isn't"
Richard Bach, American Author