Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Day 22 of 182 Today I stopped believing(for a bit)


Day 22

Wednesday 25th February

 

I’m still not quite myself, but realising that I have got a bit of a bug is making me feel slightly better as I know that definitely has played a part in how weary and doubtful I have been feeling since yesterday. Still though that annoying voice that tells us we can't do something, that we were fools for even thinking we could in the first place is one I know I could do without sometimes.

I started reading Hero again last night a brilliant book as is the Alchemist by Paul Cohello. Both deal with the subject of how we are all born with a destiny, a reason for being here but that it’s easy in life to let it fall by the wayside as our self-belief wanes. That we are each a hero on our own mission in life but it is up to us whether we choose to accept it because it won’t be without challenges.

When I stood and talked in August last year about all I had learned from reading the Secret and applying it to my life. I knew that was what I was born to do. It felt like nothing I had experienced before and I knew and believed that through sharing and honesty I could make a difference.

Then two months later I went through a horrendous time. I know now that it had to happen, I needed to confront things in me that I had supressed for years. There were days that the pain of being inside my head simply felt too much to bear.
I felt a fraud.
All the things I had said about the Law of Attraction how it could work for people, that you could be so happy. Look at me. I didn’t want to leave my house, look at myself or be alive. In my lovely warm house with a caring beautiful family and I would walk up to bed some nights wishing I wouldn’t wake up the next day.

That is a hard thing to admit to.

Somewhere though, deep down in the innermost part of me the feeling that this awful experience was a part of something bigger, that it was meant. That somehow this pain was something that could be turned into a positive.


Which is how slowly I started to see that there was a way out. Then the idea of the rules came, then the blog, then going back to runclub all leading to me sitting here now on the 25th February knowing absolutely that life can be amazing that the Law of Attraction works for all things that by following what we love only good things can come.  


I visualise my future every night the things I want for my family, my work, for everyone that is suffering right now and for me as a person, that I will truly love myself for who I am. I believe that it will all happen. Every day that I write this blog is another step in the right direction.


Right now I’m tired and to be honest a little bit grumpy, feel like I need a top to toe makeover. You know those days when you just want to be minded? I’m having one of those. We all got really wet at runclub. I ate a take away because I was too tired to cook and I’m beating myself up over it feel weepy and now I want a Cadburys crème egg too.

This is just another challenge on my journey and I’m going to overcome it. I know what I need to do to get through it and by feeling grateful for the life I have now and doing things each day that make me happy it will lead me where I want to be.

I didn’t even want to write on my gratitude list when I sat down to type this but now I am grateful for …..

This blog, for runclub who slogged it through a very wet session this evening, hot showers and dry socks, for the challenges that my life has presented me with, for all the people that care about me, for the self –belief that over the last 45 minutes of typing has returned, for all Rhonda Byrne’s books as this wouldn’t be happening without them but tonight particularly for this passage in Hero

 

 

Believing in yourself doesn’t mean that there won’t be moments where you question your ability to achieve your dream. In those moments just bring yourself back to the very next tiny step you have to take, because you’ll find it easier to believe you can take the next tiny step rather than have your head spinning with the whole journey ahead. You can only take one step at a time.

When you’re feeling happy, your belief will be strong. If you’re feeling tired, discouraged, under the weather or lacking energy, that’s when the doubts come in. Everyone has these moments so remind yourself that the way you are feeling is temporary, and it will pass. That’s why it’s so important to follow your bliss every day, because in doing that you will be happy, and as a consequence, your belief will be strong. “