Monday 23rd February
Yesterday I posted my blog, was feeling great. Walked upstairs to say goodbye to Christian and I just came over with a really sad feeling. Like as if someone had just pulled the plug on all my good feelings. In an instant I felt like crying, stood in front of my love list with the pen in my hand and struggled to write anything.
I said to him that I know I’ll be ok and can turn it around just might take a bit longer than normal.
I want to share yesterday with you because from beginning to end it was lesson after lesson; number one being unless I look after myself and keep my tank full of good feelings I’m no good to anyone, however I’m not sure if time is on my side today so I shall get back to it tomorrow.
Something has been on my mind since starting this experience and today it came clear…this happens now, I will be talking to someone and all of a sudden I get an “Ah haaa” moment which is why I carry a notebook around with me to scribble stuff in or send myself text messages. Today’s message read
“Not just positivity” I will explain…
Dictionary Definition Positive: feeling no doubts, certain; confident, hopeful; helpful, providing encouragement; absolute.
Sounds good, but to me it's not just that. It's more about love and gratitude.
The thing it at first I was going to call this a Positivity experience but it didn’t sit right with me, yes there are plenty of times and ways that we can find positivity in a seemingly negative situation. That’s not it though, and to be honest it’s not enough to just say to someone “Be positive” and when you feel really bad it can be too much and too difficult a thing to even comprehend.
Like I said before this isn’t about me trying to persuade anyone to believe me that the *Law of Attraction works, everyone can make up their own mind.
*The Law of Attraction says like attracts like, so when you think a thought you are also attracting like thoughts to you.
When something happens to you that can affect you in a negative way let’s say for e.g. a person (could be a situation), it’s not that you have to suddenly start thinking wonderful positive things about them and be bursting with forgiveness and love. This can happen, believe me it has in cases that I never thought possible. But you can immediately stop it from continuing to affect you in a negative way.
Say you’ve had a row with someone over a parking space, your fuming, stressed out. You can either keep feeling like that, tell everyone you meet about it or you can say it’s done, over. Take a moment to forget it then think about something right now that you love and are grateful for in your life. It still amazes me how quickly my mood will change when I do this.
Sometimes we can be hurt by something or someone and finding positivity can be so hard. Last year a friend cut me out of their life, they felt I had treated them badly and no longer wanted our friendship to continue.
It was a shock and I was devastated. I went through so many emotions. Hurt, anger, guilt, anxiety and no exaggeration my heart broke. I couldn’t let it go, wanted so badly to know what I could do to put it right. I was consumed by it and the fact that I couldn’t find a way to fix this and turn it back “positive” made me feel even more of a failure.
Then a month or so after I was driving along listening to the Power on the CD player in my car. Rhonda Byrne was talking about relationships and how hard it can be when someone you love ends it. But that if you love someone hard as it may be to not be a part of their life, loving someone means accepting their right to choose and to feel what they want to feel.
Suddenly I felt different, yes I was sad but yes I loved this person and wanted nothing but happiness for them and if this decision meant they were happier I could feel good about it.
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor and Philosopher (121-180)
I did later find the positive, it was a lesson to me an avid people pleaser that not everyone will like me that I can’t make everyone happy and that’s ok.
So I suppose I am on a “Positive buzz” but it’s knowing that I have the power to control my feelings by focusing on things I love and feel grateful for that has since the 4th February set me free.
On an unrelated topic I have started listening to music as I write, on the headphones today I have gone back to my childhood and memories of my Dad’s vinyl collection…. Fleetwood Mac Rumours
This very second I am listening to “Gold dust women” apt with the subject of broken hearts.