Day 16 of 182
Thursday 19th February
Todays blog is about something different than originally planned, that's a great thing about writing every day plenty of time to fit it all in!
Its 6.30am needed sleep this week as my planned waking naturally at 5 am hasn’t happened this week. I set the alarm today as I wanted to get post up as before heading up to Dublin for the night with my Aunt who has flown from the UK especially to see me.
My little bag is packed, a book to read on the train. And for the first time I get to travel alone no anxiety when the refreshments trolley comes along or at breakfast in the hotel tomorrow morning.
Starting to live without it has made me more aware of how completely consumed I was for so many years living our secret life together.
No regret. No regret for all the hours spent thinking about food. The tears. The feeling like I didn’t want to live anymore. Because it has all led to this. To right now sitting here at my laptop feeling so strong and living my best life.
No guilt either. No guilt for the fact that I have half- lived for a long time. That what if my behaviour around food affected my children? That Christian hasn’t had the best of me all these years.
Don't get me wrong plenty of good experiences have happened in my life so far. I have felt happiness, joy and love just not nearly as much as I now know I'm capable of feeling.
What is done is done I can’t change anything that has past. I can control how I feel now and in only 16 days I have had more invigorating, uplifting and life changing experiences than I have had in years. I am alive. If I were standing on a stage now telling you this I would probably be jumping in the air and shouting WHOO HOO!!!!
Yesterday evening after a great start to the day, I was tired before even leaving for run club and I had a class to teach after it. I just felt a bit low, nothing major but I have already become so aware when my mood drops and knowing then how good I feel when it’s the opposite it’s easy to start feeling guilty about it. All that does is focuses on the negative. I had been working hard and hearing how this blog has made a difference to people already got a bit caught up in how I reach more people.. Twitter retweets? Facebook shares? The thing is I know that things work better when I just focus on what I want for my end goal and let the Universe take care of the rest. Otherwise I do forced things that leave me feeling doubtful. When it’s the right post or tweet it feels effortless.
Getting into the Irish Independent that time is the perfect example for me to have tried to achieve that would have been virtually impossible but the universe just laid it out for me. We never know what exciting thing is just around the corner.
People have now started to apologise to me if they are talking about something negative that happened to them not wanting to “ruin my positive buzz!!” and I had started to feel like I should be able to provide them with the positive side to every situation.
This got me thinking and last night as I was just about to sleep I got a flash.
This is not just about “being positive” in fact I think that maybe that could come across a little irritating. You don’t have to find the positive in every situation that’s exhausting. Much less so is to take the power you have to control how you feel. If someone or a situation hurts you, upsets you, makes you angry or frustrated you don’t have to find the positive but you can choose to hold onto those feelings or let them go and focus on gratitude. Think of one thing you are grateful for.
“Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.” Anne Frank
(Taken from Secret Daily Teachings)
Last night I did just that, I forgot about the blog, plans for the future and I felt gratitude for being able to run with runclub and sweat in my class. To get to call what I do for a living “work” spending time motivating great people every day.
Everyone is on their own journey and I now know for sure that everything happens for a reason. Guilt and regret over things from the past will only stop you from moving forward, weighing you down.
Let them go. Even better take them to a swap shop and exchange them for gratitude and love.
I love this and wanted to share it because I love it. No better reason than that…..
“There is nothing you cannot do, and if you approach all things in the right order, you can do everything you want.
Live your dream on the inside first, completely & totally. Then it will manifest in your life.
When you have tuned yourself on the inside so completely you will magnetize everything you need for your dream to become a reality.
This is the Law. All creation in your life inside of you.”